“Good job, Son!” …
Sounds good, right?
Communicating with my
two boys has been a hard lesson for me to learn. Thankfully, I have been put in
situations where I have been taught to communicate in a way which will promote
a desired end state.
What does all of that
mean?
I learned that what I
was giving my boys is known as Empty Praise. Essentially,
the simple “good job” is not actually reinforcing the act that achieved the
results. Often times, the pat on the back, or the “good job”,
are used as a quick way to acknowledge our kids, and go on with our busy day.
This is not doing
anything for your kids!
Bottom line, telling your kids “good job” often times just isn’t enough.
Ideally, what you want
to do is praise the act or process that achieved the results. Sure, starting
with “good job” is appropriate to acknowledge the accomplishment, but what
follows is most important. Let us use the example of my son scoring 100%
on a spelling test.
An example of Empty Praise would be:
“Good Job, Son”…and I
continue doing whatever it was before he decided to share his accomplishment
with me.
An example of Constructive Praise would be:
“Good Job, Son. All of
that time that YOU spent studying, and writing out
those sentences really paid off!”
The conversation could
continue, but if it didn’t because of other obligations, this would be a more
effective way of praising your child’s behavior.
The main difference
between the two is that first, I acknowledge him by saying “good job”, but then
I proceed to point out what processes led him to his successful grade. So, not only
will he be happy that I am proud of him, but he will most likely repeat this
behavior since he was made aware of what led him to the good grade the first
place.
Our children want our
attention, and they want to be acknowledged for their accomplishments in life,
no matter how small. Utilizing constructive praise makes it more likely that
your children will be willing to share their accomplishments with you, making
your relationship stronger, and reinforcing constructive behaviors for your
children to use in the future.
Make the effort, do your part, fight to make your family better. This is what we're all about.
Fight on friends! - The Warrior Family
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2 comments:
I love this and absolutely agree and follow this approach. Will definitely be following and sharing your blog - always on the lookout for positive attitudes, inspiration, and motivation.
btw I seriously thought you were the older sister, not the boys mom >.<
Janet :)
Thanks for the comment! Please do share this with your friends. We are trying to get the word out about us, and the information we plan on putting out. We could use all the help we can get. Thanks!
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